Holly's Legacy
  • Holly's Story
  • Sunshine Story
  • Rainbow Story
  • Archive
  • About

A Holly Christmas

12/19/2016

2 Comments

 
I have seen that so many bereaved parents often have a symbol that represents their baby. For me, one of Holly's symbols is the holly plant. It sounds silly, as its obvious that the holly plant is around at this time of year but seeing so much of it is helping me get through Christmas. When I see a holly plant I know that my Holly is with me and for that moment it makes me stop and smile. Holly is all around me right now.

The prospect of Christmas without one of your babies is unimaginable and unthinkable. There is a massive gaping hole that should be filled with the life of  my little Holly. There are millions of these gaping holes where so many little lives should be this Christmas. Many of us are decorating our babies graves, buying them presents and hanging their stockings, all in a bid to try to keep them very much with us. Many of us simply can't bring ourselves to celebrate Christmas this year, so instead are simply focusing on just getting through the day. 

I have always loved Christmas. It has always felt special and magical. A day to be spent with the ones you love. But the idea of spending it without one of your loved ones just adds to another surreal moment and flash of the reality that this is my life. I feel robbed that my daughter isn't here. I feel robbed that she will never experience the joy of christmas, the pure excitement, the love of family coming together and the magic of Father Christmas.  This year I should be having Christmas with a very newborn baby and my toddler, not taking a visit down to Holly's 'spot' at the crematorium on Christmas morning.

I am trying to keep busy. That's part of the reason why I created the Remembrance Tree as I needed something to do for our babies, something to mother and something positive. I am so very fortunate that I have become part of (sadly) a growing community on IG who have included Holly in their Christmas's this year.  Holly has literally been remembered all over the world which means just so much. She has recieved Christmas cards, taken part in balloon releases and also been on some truly wonderful gifts from special friends. It means so much to have people think of her and think of me. 

I have lost the 'festive cheer' this year, it was inevitable but the love that people has shown me reminds me of why this time of year is important. It is the kindness, the consideration and the empathy which is helping me to get through it. When alot the world feels dark and Christmas feels full of 'what's the point' the love of others shows me why it is important for me. It is to keep going for my eldest and it is to keep going for my youngest, to continue Holly's legacy and hope that it reaches out to someone else struggling this Christmas. 

Christmas doesn't stop when you lose a baby. I wish it would, I really wish it would but as with everything, life keeps on going. But I have realised that the support of those who love you keeps on going too. The support is quite literally holding me up, embracing me and showing me that I can get through next weekend. I am so grateful for those who have been including Holly this Christmas, it means more than I can ever explain. 

I hope that when you see some holly it reminds you of my little Holly and how much love and kindness go such a very, very long way.
Picture
@calligripad
2 Comments
Suzanne Smith
12/19/2016 02:56:41 pm

Hi Kirsty,

My heart goes out to you and your family.Your bravery and honesty is something that Holly would be so proud of - and you will help people in ways that you don't even know. Today you helped me.

This is my third Christmas without my baby boy and it still very raw. I posted the following as my facebook status and a mutual friend tagged me to your posting above:
'When you have suffered from a loss there are certain times of the year that make it a lot more difficult to get through the day – triggers for the deeper grief to come boiling to the surface again. Days/holidays that are fully recognisable as family time ( so Christmas, Easter fall into this category for me), as well as anniversaries of birthdays and death. This time of the year delivers a triple whammy of these to me – I have to deal with Christmas without Kyle, as well as the anniversary of his birth and death ……all in a period of less than two weeks. I struggle! I stop sleeping, I cry a lot, I snap at those I love and push them away, and I want to crawl under my blanket and only raise my head again mid-January. But I can’t. I have to keep on keeping on. I have two little ones that are full of excitement and joy….and they keep me going. I know that I will be able to breathe a little easier again in the not too distant future and I hold onto that thought. The reason I am sharing this with you ( other than the fact that I find writing and putting my thoughts into words therapeutic) is not for your sympathy. It is for the following reason….This is the third year I am going through this, therefore I expected it ( I hoped it wouldn’t hit quite as hard, but you don’t always get what you wish for!). There are people out there that you know that are facing their first holiday season/Christmas day without a loved one, and they might not be expecting it. So please, be gentle with them. You don’t have to do anything…….. other than just be available. A shoulder, an ear, a sounding board, a pair of comforting arms. Just be available. It is hard place to be when you are in their shoes. xxx'

Thank you for making me feel less alone.
Continue to take comfort in that embrace, and in the Holly surrounding you .

Love and light,
Suzanne

Reply
Indian Girl New York link
1/19/2023 05:26:37 pm

Great readinng your blog post

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Holly Dao

    On the 7th September 2016 at 25 weeks gestation, Holly was born, still after a battle with complete heart block. 

    This is her story of the legacy she leaves and of our continuing love for her. 

    Forever loved, my little heart.

    Archives

    September 2018
    August 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016

    Categories

    All
    Congenital Heart Disease
    Heartblock
    Pregnancy
    Pregnancy Loss
    Stillbirth

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Holly's Story
  • Sunshine Story
  • Rainbow Story
  • Archive
  • About